The fact that life goes on is both a blessing and just a strange, strange, unfortunate thing. Several times last week I thought that surely I will be dead by morning — from physical and emotional exhaustion, from being cracked open and turned inside-out, from questioning everything that I knew about my life to be true. But then I woke up the next day and I wasn’t dead. And I am grateful for that, obviously. But it was also disappointing — can’t the world see that I am having a crisis here? How can there be weddings at my hotel, and happy partiers, and bright afternoon sun after a day of rain, and happy shoppers on the main street, and packing to be done and flights to catch when I am so obviously about to die here? I just don’t understand…
The same thing is true when something great happens. Like yesterday when I had an article published in The New York Times. I worked hard to get there and I am ecstatic about it — and maybe that’s why yesterday when my article went live I expected… something. Shouldn’t there be a shift in your life when something big like this happens? But nothing happened to me. I was sick. I was in bed. I went to see a doctor. I slept and drank tea. Life went on, without much notice.
I mean, maybe the changes are not always visible right away. Maybe they are just small ripples and I will only know their effect weeks or months or years later. I’d like to think that’s true. But right now I am waiting — I am wanting — a seismic shift and I just don’t know if that will happen.
Zsofi Writes 
Congratulations! It’s a great piece. Well done. And for the record, I’m guessing the seismic shift already happened. That’s what is creating what you are experiencing now. Didn’t somebody say — you are living the results of the life you lived yesterday? Or something like that.
I am not sure if that’s comforting or scary… Thanks for reading, Susan!
Ain’t that the truth!? It’s always that way. And also when we get bad news (professional kind) nothing seismic happens, thank goodness. We get rejected and it doesn’t mean we’ll never publish again. So maybe this balance is good! But really I know what you mean!! I have your Motherlode bookmarked to read and share. Congrats!! That is a HUGE accomplishment and certainly a goal of mine!
Thank you for that perspective, Nina. You are totally right and I am grateful that nothing happens when we get rejected… Whew. I needed that! 🙂 And good luck with Motherlode! I know it will happen for you!!!
I try to find the magic, to feel it in the small ripples. The seismic shifts never come when I expect them to, if they come at all, I’ve *almost* given up waiting for them or trying to predict them (sorry, was that depressing?). Yesterday’s piece was a great achievement, you know that in your head, irrespective of whether you felt the earth move beneath your feet ;).
I know and I don’t want to sound ungrateful or take what happened yesterday for granted. I need to stop whining. 😉