Five Pounds of Flesh

This essay first appeared on Full Grown People.

The surgeon sat between my legs on a low stool, his left hand gently cradling the curve of my right breast as he drew dotted lines and circles on my skin. I was sitting on a hospital bed, my feet dangling off the side and I wasn’t sure where to look. His touch was measured and medical, but the intimacy of the moment took my breath away.

“This isn’t awkward at all,” I joked, trying to break the silence in the small examining room. The surgeon laughed with me, but never broke his concentration on the measurements—between collarbone and nipple, the space between breasts—mapping out where cuts and sutures and skin will go.

He quietly explained his strategy for the surgery to the resident sitting next to him, but he continued to focus on my breasts. I was in danger of breaking out in giggles and making his precise lines go wiggly, so I tried hard to concentrate on something else … anything. His wispy, graying hair. Sun-kissed, rugged cheeks. Blue eyes. Broad shoulders, sculpted arms, big, secure hands. Concentrating on him clearly didn’t make things easier. His breath smelled like chocolate.

This, I found the most reassuring.

Read the rest at Full Grown People…

14 Comments Add yours

  1. Deborah says:

    I would love to reproduce your article on my website = is this possible? I offer cosmetic surgery counselling and your story is very valuable to other women in similar situations.

    Deborah –

    1. zsmc says:

      Thanks for reading it! I think it would be OK to either provide a link to it or if you post the text to give credit at the end to Full Grown People where it first appeared:

  2. Janice says:

    I also had a breast reduction. It took me two tries to get my insurance to pay for it. I am so glad I did for a million different ways. I lived in NJ, and worked in NY, and used to say that my breasts got to NY before I did. They took off 11 pounds off my small frame. I am sorry your surgery was painful afterwards. Mine was not, and they did remove one nipple, and put it back. That was the only pain I had two days later, when the nipple was sensation was coming back, and I took one pain pill for it. I never had to take anything else for the rest of the recovery. I was driving within three days, which I was not supposed to, but had to get my hair highlighted. It was one of the best things I ever did. Unfortunately I gained weight after my boyfriend at the time left me for a stripper with fake breasts, but that is life. Breast cancer came two years later, and it was so much better to have the smaller breasts for treatment. I didn’t have any side effects of pain or swollen breasts. They are no longer perfect after my breast reduction, but I could still go without a bra, even after 9 years. Life happens, and we roll with it. Having a breast reduction was one of the best things I have ever done for myself. I encourage other women to do it, and feel better about themselves. I also had to have a back surgery 10 years before for 2 bulging discs. Having had less heavy breasts would have prevented that. We live for what society dictates, I am so much happier without my pendulous breasts.

    1. zsmc says:

      Thanks for sharing your story! I can’t imagine ever regretting this surgery — definitely the best thing I have ever done for myself.

  3. kja says:

    good for you. i was thinking about reduction surgery (38G, thank you very much) bt hesitated. then i got cancer so now i have nothing on one side and a G on the other. gonna have to have reduction so the surgeons can make a fake boob since there are no implants that big (maybe those half-medicinbals for porn people but not natural looking) and the plastic surgeon said i will be freer to move. sounds promosing to see your story!

    1. zsmc says:

      Good luck with your recovery! You will definitely move easier and feel lighter inside and out!

  4. Deborah says:

    Thank you very much for your kind permission to allow me to share your journey with your surgery. I offer cosmetic surgery counselling – as a matter of interest – what is your opinion of this?


  5. play sculpt says:

    It’s like you are me! I was with you the whole way through this blog. I’m 11 days post breast reduction and even though I’m uncomfortable sleeping up and in a world of itchiness as the scars start healing – no regrets. Over 3kgs removed and already I feel the weight off my chest.

    The scrounging on the floor for over the shoulder boulder holders is over. High five! Thank you for sharing your experience.

  6. jigglezpooh says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this!!! I had tears in my eyes from reading it. It sounds soooo much like my big chested story. I’m a 38H and am constantly considering whether a breast reduction is the right choice for me. I use to be 100% positive that it was something I wanted to do but after an emergency c-section, I’m terrified of any type of surgery.

    1. zsmc says:

      Yeah, surgery is no fun at all. But it’s worth talking to a surgeon who can walk you through the process. I know everyone’s experience will be different, but my surgery went as smoothly as possible. Good luck!

  7. Connie says:

    And you still have sensation in both nipples? That is what scares me… Losing feeling.

    1. zsmc says:

      Thanks for reading and commenting! I do still have sensation — I was lucky, because the surgeon was able to save both of them. I am sure if you talk to a surgeon he/she can give you your options.

  8. Naa-Dei says:

    First I wanted to say thank you for your post. I actually found this post via a link from another blogger. I am 31 and a size 32 JJ. I was able to figure out my correct bra size via a wonderful blogger, . Since finding out my correct size, I do not buy my bras in stores because they do no carry them. I buy them online and they come in playful colors and cost around $50 or more.. It is unfortunate that you , like many other women, appear to not be privy to the vast array of online lingerie stores and bloggers that provide bras and information for large breasted women. I have made a list of bloggers and and online lingerie stores that women can turn to get bras in their size. Can you please share them with your followers?

    Lingerie Stores


    1. zsmc says:

      Thanks for these great recommendations!

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