It is fitting that October would start out this way. I was hoping for a rainy day because I had enough of the half-warm, half-cool, humid days of September. I wanted sweaters and jeans and shoes — but no socks until November. That’s a rule.

I was always — and assume will always be — drawn to grayness and rain and the melancholy mood of fall. There is something comforting and cozy about feeling that first chill. But I think I used to fight it. Give me sunshine! Give me warmth! Give me bright colors! Give me summer!

But lately I have come to embrace this gray mood. I let it wash over me and I let myself enjoy it. I am not sad, because this feeling makes me happy. If that makes sense… Melancholy is defined as “a gloomy state of mind, especially when habitual or prolonged; depression.” But I prefer to go with the second definition: “sober thoughtfulness; pensiveness.”

Yeah, that’s me.

Warm tea. A new, warm cardigan with sleeves that are just a bit too long so that I can pull them over my fingers. Scarves I keep wrapped around my neck even at home.

I keep the windows open in my office so that I can feel the breeze and let the smell of rain fill the apartment. I try to not think about the summer that was or the winter that will be, just stay here on this cool, cool October day.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. So lovely. Reminds me of my own introvert/extrovert dance. Most people see me as so out there and outgoing but when I need alone time, I need it. There is a reason I’m a dance teacher AND a writer. I need those cool, gray times with a scarf wrapped around my neck.

    1. zsmc says:

      Totally! 🙂

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