The Uterus Must Go

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Photo by Gina Easley

I’ve always had this fantasy that one day I would find a baby. I’d be driving down the road, or walking on the street, and a bundle would catch my eye—nobody else would notice it but me. Maybe there is a small toe sticking out, or an arm, and I know immediately that it’s a baby. I call the police, of course, but they just hand it to me to take home. Finders keepers.

Everywhere I go, especially when I am driving along long stretches of highway with so much trash littering the side of the road, I keep an eye out. Every discarded tee-shirt or tarp or trash bag could potentially hide a baby. I never slow down, or actually check, but I carefully consider whether a certain pile of trash would be big enough to harbor one.

I sort of forget how small babies are.

•••

My last period is a bit dull—I can’t even remember now its start or end date, or how many days it lasted, or whether it was heavy or light. This is a bit disappointing, especially after all of the drama and fanfare it put me through over the past few months.

The most memorable was the time I passed a blood clot the size of my hand during our vacation in Aruba—it just slipped through my fingers as I was taking a shower. It landed with a splat at my feet and I stared at it for long minutes, letting the water run over my back. The clot was the shape of an embryo. You know those science books with the pictures taken inside the woman’s body—the translucent embryo floating in the blackness of the womb? This one would have been at the stage when the arms and legs are just tiny stubs, with a square-ish head and a body. I poked the thing with my toes and it slowly dissolved in the water and slipped down the drain.

I stood there a bit longer, considering whether it actually could have been an embryo. But no, no, there was no way.

Read the full essay on Full Grown People

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. where we are says:

    I love your writing! And I think you might be my spirit animal. I am inexplicably always looking for babies on the side of the road even though I don’t ever want to birth one. It makes no sense. I also have fibroids (though apparently they’re small enough to keep on chilling in there for now). So I got put on birth control to stop the constant heavy bleeding which was all well and good except that a few years prior, my husband had a vasectomy specifically so that I could stop taking the dreaded pill!

    1. zsmc says:

      OMG, thank you so much! I have never been anyone’s spirit animal! Thanks so much for reading! And good luck with the fibroids!

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