This essay first appeared on Full Grown People. The surgeon sat between my legs on a low stool, his left hand gently cradling the curve of my right breast as he drew dotted lines and circles on my skin. I was sitting on a hospital bed, my feet dangling off the side and I wasn’t…
Author: Zsofia McMullin
Farewell to Boobies — Part II
I’ve been spending a lot of time in front of the mirror lately. It’s not something I usually enjoy doing, but lately I am having trouble resisting that big shiny surface on our bathroom door. I stop right before I get into the shower, lift my breasts, turn, trying to imagine what I will look…
Trying for thankful
Being thankful is not really in my genes. Growing up in Budapest we did not celebrate Thanksgiving — obviously — and even after living the U.S. for years and years I never really got into it. It seems like a random holiday for an outsider and more than that: it is such an American thing…
Mama needs to be alone now
Mama needs to be alone now. Not for too long, just a couple of days. Really, you won’t even notice that she is gone. Ok, maybe you will. But really, it’s for the best. You see, there are things mama likes to do that she just doesn’t get to do anymore now that you are…
One and only
I am snuggled in bed with Sam – he is drinking milk and playing with my hair before his nap. Downstairs I hear the slow thump-thump-thump of Drew’s steps coming up from the basement – like a slow march towards something inevitable. He is on the main floor now, out the front door, making a…
Young Love
This essay first appeared on Full Grown People. My phone buzzes just as I drain hot pasta over the sink with Sam hanging on my leg and my husband talking about the mortgage or some electrical issues in our basement or something else house-related. I try to nudge Sam away from the boiling water and…
Is love enough?
My little guy is going through something. He’s been sad and clingier than usual and each morning during drop-off at preschool I have to pry his tiny little fingers off my legs while tears stream down his face. I know I am not supposed to, but I usually end up crying too. His explanations of…
Farewell to Boobies — Part I
I know it’s not entirely true, but I feel like the hardest part is done: yesterday I went to see a plastic surgeon to talk about breast reduction surgery. I know that the surgery itself will be harder physically, but it took me years to work up the mental and emotional courage to make and…
What remains
A couple of weeks ago I came across a blog post where a soon-to-be first-time mother was worried about whether she was going to lose herself — her true self — once she became a mother. I can’t find the blog post anymore, but I remember that my initial reaction was to brush off the…
Zsofi Writes 